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L.A. Beat

Hey Baby— What’s your sign?

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Hello boys and girls, deniers and defiers of fate and free will! I am back after a several month hiatus with a newish format. You may notice that each of the dates for any given sign seem very... approximate and not so specific. This is due to the exact date of what constitutes a person's "sign" changing each year, sometimes by hours and sometimes by days. Your sign may begin on the 20th of one month, one year, whereas the next, it will begin on the 21st or the 22nd. Usually, the cut offs will never vary from between the 18th - 23rd.

The most common thing that I explain to people when the subject of Astrology comes up, is that we are not only defined by our one sign. Usually, we hear the question,"What's your sign?" or the statement, "I'm an Aries,"and we gather all of our information from this. Have most people really, never stopped to think that the ancient and formerly revered study of Astrology might be a little more elaborate than that? Of course your daily horoscope is generalized, if we assume things are just that simple. If Astrology only consisted of people and their one sign, then one twelfth of the entire world's population who are considered Aries people should, technically, all be having the same type of day, according to their horoscope in the Sunday Sun. Astrology is not at fault for this gross assumption, you are! So stop, m-kay? It's SENSELESS! Learn what other signs affect you by having a proper birth chart done or by reading up on the subject, from a book.

Oh, and your "sign," like when we ask that question, "What's your sign?" in the language of Astrology, is really called your Sun sign. You also have a Moon sign, a Mars sign, Mercury is in a sign and in fact, every planet finds itself within the boundaries a certain sign, their combination being unique to you. You may have multiple planets affected by one sign in particular. So despite your being an Aries Sun sign, if Mars, Venus and Mercury are all in Pisces, you're highly influenced by this sign, as well. This only touches on a very small fraction of the complexity of
the subject.
 Mars moves into Gemini, the Sun into Cancer, Mercury squares Saturn while Mars squares Neptune, as well... Interesting line up for your Mercury ruled folks, primarily the Geminis and Virgos amongst us, and not necessarily in your favour.
Challenges with creativity and personal assertion weighs heavily as a factor, too.

Your Horrorscopes

Sometime around now - Sometime a few weeks from now-ish

Aries - Hypersensitivity

Around March 20 - Around April 20

The Sun is in Cancer right now which makes you particularly sensitive, while you are spurred with electric thought. Your mind has been racing and so has your heart. Be prepared to face issues concerning house and home, your sanctuary and your shell.
Not to say you'll be breaking open your shell but perhaps reinforcing its strength.
Has everything been okay with your health lately? For some of you, there may be mixed signals coming from your body. Uh huhhh... Take care of yourself and listen to what it's telling you, even if it's more mental than it is physical. If you can reconcile the two mixed signals into one firm message, you may solve a long standing problem.

Taurus - The Cow on the Teeter-Totter

Sometime near the end of April - Sometime near the end of May

One moment your heart feels one way, and then it feels differently the next. You're most likely feeling quite reassured within yourself, ultimately but then there are those days that you chose to smooth over. Recognize that you've been up and down and a little emotionally inconsistent. It's all about finding a balance concerning yourself and others, especially where friendships and love are concerned. If there are any legal or business matters to do with your home or room mates which need to be taken care of, now is the time to solidify it. The energies are right for this though sensitivities may be high, you're in a good mental place to divvy out thebrules and set things straight in your own territory. Any way you slice it, relationships are of primary concern.

Gemini - Control Freak

Around May 20 - Around June 20

Do you feel yourself becoming slightly aggressive lately or maybe just a sheer surge of energy? If you grow your own food, you'll surely be successful right now and not just because the Sun has been shining. Besides that, it could be that everything you thought you had under your thumb seems to be wriggling out, despite your firm placement. Or perhaps you're straining to make sure that your thumb is pressed down so hard, the tip of it turns white but what's under it isn't getting away from you, is it? No, not at all.  

Cancer - Cancer Schmancer
Sometime near the end of June - Sometime near the end of July

"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that's wonderful is what I feel when... We're together!" The Sun is in your sign and Mercury is, too, in the House of Libra. Relationships will be the highlight of your days for the next little while. Don't look for many opportunities to come a knocking, though, for this is not a time of expansion so much, for you. Your time would be better spend going inward than in going outward. Whether you've ever been the type inclined toward being artsy, whatever you do, try not to get too creative right now though, for those less inclined, it might go the other way and work for a change. For once, you may find yourself doing the talking and other people might actually want to listen; The key word being 'might'. All depends on how much creative doing you also do.

Leo - Do You Know Diddly Squat?
Around July 20- Aug.20

Finding yourself feeling a little extra sensitive, lately? No? How about more comfortable at home and in your usual surroundings than you're prone to feeling? You are affected more by the passing of the Sun into each of the signs, as they shift, than others. Each month's attributed sign colours your persona equally - Keep that in mind if you know diddly squat about the zodiac. You ought to be inclined to excessive bursts of pride and there is a forecast of smugness clouding your skies.

Virgo - Avoidance
Three quarters through August - Three quarters through September

Mercury, your partner in astro-crime, or rather, the ruler of your astro-mob kingdom, is coupled up with Cancer, while Gemini has been seen hanging around with Mars. Gemini and Mars being buddies (or possibly so much more) doesn't mean much to you except that Mercury might get jealous. Simply put, I am playing games with words to aggravate your analytical mind. I shall speak frankly, now... Mars seeing Gemini has nothing to do with you. And I'm very quickly falling into denying writing you an actual horoscope. You want real, Astrologically based advice? Ok, ok, ok... Don't take life too seriously.

Libra - Thar Be Buried Gold Thar, Matey
End-ish September - End-ish October

Prepare to be faced with a mirror... Errr, yourself! This particular time has you twice as indecisive as usual, twice as unbalanced as other times when your balance is thrown off, twice as happy, twice as sad; Generally you've experiencing everything in twos. Not threes, twos. Two, two, twos. Twhoh! Sort of. You'll find yourself feeling very 'fency,' and yet boxed in but full of contemplative thought, buzzing like the electric car and most likely, those thoughts will be every bit as unnoticed. Pay attention to the buzzing in your head. Listen hard, Libra, for there be treasure within. Yar.

Scorpio - ASS-ASS-IN
Around Oct. 20 - Around Nov. 20

One of your ruling planets (or dwarf planets for the astronomically correct among you,) Pluto, has gone retrograde in Capricorn and bearded bum with a handgun, Mars, is in Gemini. In Aleister Crowley's Thoth deck Mars and Gemini = Cruelty. Sucks to be you. As tempting as it is to leave the scope there, that just doesn't cover all the bases. :( There may be some shit talkers amongst your circle of frenemies, scouting you for the lead role in "underdog assassin." They don't know about the assassin part, though. They just know they have an unexplainable urge to gang bang your brain, and not in a good way. Except your mysteriousness fails you! Perhaps you're living up to their expectations... and perhaps you are not sneaky enough, ASS-ASS-IN.

Sagittarius - A Good Bribe
Sometime, about the end of November - Sometime, about the end of December

Jupiter in Taurus... Hm. Not a bad match. If you haven't heard me say it before, Jupiter is your homeboy. Taurus is... Your... Amicable friend who gives you lots of nice gifts but with whom you wonder what else is going on with, under their complementary guise. Are they sucking up to you? Why? Or is there more to the story?
You suddenly find yourself strangely attracted to purchasing large, expensive or pretty items (or experiences) that you may have before never considered. It doesn't mean they're worth every penny or that they're even useful but simply that they are grand seeming. But money isn't everything. And neither are friends who do nothing but kiss your ass, though they are quite nice to have around, whatever their ulterior motive.

Capricorn - Abnormal Balance
From near Christmas - Near the end of January

If you've any intention of hiding anything from anyone right now, just don't, ok? That's your horoscope for today. Don't even try that... If you were thinking of trying something like that. Don't. Dig? K. Well, there's more because not all of you are in that boat. It's been so long since we've spoken. This time in your life is a general reminder, more so than times past, of your great abnormal balancing act. At the best of time, you're battling personal devils and lately, (the past several months, especially,) the lines between good and evil seem just a little more defined. Don't be a douche; What would Jesus do?

Aquarius - Free Bird

Round abouts the end of January - Round abouts the end of February

Right now would be a seemingly good time to have a mental affair with someone or something else! Anything else! But, wait-a-minute... Isn't any time a good time for that? Probably. But you've been playing mind games with yourself again, haven't you, Aquarius? Thinking of number one a little more than usual? Thinking of chasing no specific tail, but of tail in general? Fine and dandy, you can smell sex and candy all you want! Nothing wrong with a little extra stimulation, just watch what triggers you pull within yourself surrounding your idealistic nature. Luck is on your side but may not be best used towards the ends of getting lucky. Perhaps you already are.

Pisces — Muddied

Around the end of February - Around the end of March

You know, the older I get, the more delusional I become. And I know you K.W.I.M. (Know what I mean.) And I think lately, you're feeling ultimately confused. Perhaps you're as up and down as the rest of us with old man Saturn hanging out with Lady Justice. Many things are balancing, in the eternal attempt to call it even. Fair and square, that's you, especially the last part. Your waters are even more muddied than usual and if you're someone who finds themselves able to be fueled by their own confusion, you'll be doing just fine! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming... It's all upstream from here.

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