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Astro Beat

Horoscopes Tuesday, Aug. 16-Tuesday, Aug. 22

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Once again, horoscopes are for entertainment purposes only. They can be reasonably accurate but generally general, if you aren't having a horoscope done for an individual and instead, generally generalizing for everyone who falls under the same sign. Generalizations are accurate enough but astrology in its glory should be more than general, it should be ridiculously accurate. Get your personalized chart done to stand in awe of it’s awesome powers of perception.
Check your Moon sign, ascendant or rising sign increase your odds of an accurate reading.
- General Iris of the Army of Flowers

Aries - Feeling Feelings

March 21 - 23 to April 20 - 23

Mars in Cancer. My only advice for you is to write Margo and ask her how to stop crying, so much. She might have something better to tell you than I would. It's a sensitive time for you, Aries, whether it's tears of sadness or joy, you'll be feeling your feelings, for sure. A good time for a romantic gesture, even if you've been doing so all month. (Be sure to check your Moon and rising sign as well)

Taurus - Shell Fish?
April 21 - 23 to May 20- 23
Venus in Aries. There's one thing and one thing only you're focusing on right now — yourself. It's good to sit back and get some perspective by zoning in on #1 but make sure you aren't too wrapped up in your you and not considering others. That's how you dig holes. But with Jupiter in Taurus as well, you'll be getting hell of a lot done. It'll make you wonder how much considering others is too much. (Be sure to check your Moon and rising sign as well)

Gemini - Centre Stage

May 21- 23  to June 20-23
Mercury in Leo. Right now, you're feeling swollen with pride, self-esteem and as if you're at your personal best. There's no problem with that, you're just a bit of a show off at the moment. Be careful you don't blind anyone with your smile. And also, that you're not merely putting on an act. (Be sure to check your Moon and rising sign as well)

Cancer - Going Deep

June 21-23 to July 20-23
Moon in Pisces, Aries and Taurus. You're always a little sensitive but right now, you're going deeper than usual. In a few days, you'll be looking at yourself in a more realistic light. By this time next week, you should be focused on your home and feelings of personal security which may mean grounding those emotions of yours, a little. (Be sure to check your Moon and rising sign as well)

Leo - Puuuurrrrrrr

July 21-23 to Aug. 20-23
Sun, Mercury and Venus in Leo. You're dancing up a storm, aren't you? Which probably means lots of luxury time, being pampered and even petted behind the ears. Roll with it. (Be sure to check your Moon and rising sign as well)

Virgo - Voicing Your Thoughts

Aug. 21-24 to Sept. 21-23
Mercury in Leo. You'll be enjoying the management of a little more self-certainty than usual and finding that others hang on to your opinions more now, instead of casting them aside. Opinions... Everyone's got one, so may as well put yours on the table. Now's a good time to do so. But don't get too cocky. (Be sure to check your Moon and rising sign as well)

Harry is my homeboy — beware of Mercury in retrograde: Aug. 1-7

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Mercury is about to go retrograde! Expect technical difficulties, communication breakdowns, missing the bus or appointments and all around tom foolery on behalf of the Universe and maybe even the entirety of all multiverses, too. Hey, it's a possibility.

Horoscopes are most accurate when casting a birth chart for an individual and not so much when done for all people falling under a single sign. This is how horoscopes have earned a reputation for being generalized; however, they can be a little accurate, at times, for some. So, for your entertainment, to get the most out of reading daily horoscopes, find out your Moon sign and rising sign. The Moon sign can be paid special importance to if you were born in the evening or at night. To find out what yours are, go to

Aries - Mars is your Homeboy

March 21 - 23 to April 20 - 23

This week Mars shifts from Gemini into Cancer which everyone may seem to feel, though you guys especially. You’re ruled by Homeboy Mars and he's the one dancing his way into an entirely different kind of scene. You will find yourself thinking less and feeling more, especially when it comes to your car, your house, your toaster and even your dog. Your “things” suddenly become oddly comforting and feelings of attachment or downright possessiveness may develop. But... But... My PS3 just so soothing.

Taurus - Venus is your Homegirl

April 21 - 23 to May 20 - 23

May it first be said that everyone seems to be feeling Mars's shift from Gemini into Cancer, making us all much more sensitive in both positive and negative ways. I'd say with Venus, your Homegirl in the fifth House (akin to Leo,) riding a lion, you should be on your game, feeling your heart de-grinch, expand and generally, strutting your stuff. Live long and prosper. Although, the Mercury retrograde still looms over us all.

Gemini - Mercury is your Homeboy/girl
May 21- 23 to June 20- 23

Mercury is about to go retrograde which hits you harder than others, unless you were born with Mercury in retrograde in which case, it may have the complete opposite effect on you, than others. Thankfully, for all you Geminis, especially, Mercury is in Virgo which counteracts the retrograde's ability to completely derail any form of prudence or routine. Due to your electric and thought-oriented mind, missed signals don't go over well, and yet, you're full of them. A watched pot never boils and over-analyzing will get you down.

Cancer - The Moon is your Homegirl
June 21- 23 to July 20-23  
The focus for you right now lays with orienting yourself to others, as usual, whether your realize it or not. But, I think you do, no matter how much you enjoy your time alone in the comfortable environment called your shell, hidden away from the outside world. You'll be feeling slightly less angsty come Tuesday. Yay! Unless of course, the Mercury retrograde kicks your ass. Patience, come that day, or you will be thwarted thusly.

Leo - The Sun is your Homeboy

July 21-23 to Aug. 20-23

Happy birthday, Leos, and here's to yet another trip around the Sun, your Homeboy.
Party at your place! And everyone has been being especially nice to you, haven't they? Feel as if you're on a bit of a pedestal then, do you? Probably have been with all those extra snuggles and cuddles. All beware the spooky upcoming Mercury retrograde... Uhm... Anything else, for you? No, mostly, Leo gets to be a happy kitty for right now.

Virgo - Mercury is your Homeboy/girl, too

Aug. 21-24 to Sept. 21-23

The bad news is that Mercury is about to go retrograde. The good news is that it's going retrograde in the sign of Virgo. So, this means all of your shortcomings are front page news.

Hey Baby— What’s your sign?

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Hello boys and girls, deniers and defiers of fate and free will! I am back after a several month hiatus with a newish format. You may notice that each of the dates for any given sign seem very... approximate and not so specific. This is due to the exact date of what constitutes a person's "sign" changing each year, sometimes by hours and sometimes by days. Your sign may begin on the 20th of one month, one year, whereas the next, it will begin on the 21st or the 22nd. Usually, the cut offs will never vary from between the 18th - 23rd.

The most common thing that I explain to people when the subject of Astrology comes up, is that we are not only defined by our one sign. Usually, we hear the question,"What's your sign?" or the statement, "I'm an Aries,"and we gather all of our information from this. Have most people really, never stopped to think that the ancient and formerly revered study of Astrology might be a little more elaborate than that? Of course your daily horoscope is generalized, if we assume things are just that simple. If Astrology only consisted of people and their one sign, then one twelfth of the entire world's population who are considered Aries people should, technically, all be having the same type of day, according to their horoscope in the Sunday Sun. Astrology is not at fault for this gross assumption, you are! So stop, m-kay? It's SENSELESS! Learn what other signs affect you by having a proper birth chart done or by reading up on the subject, from a book.

Oh, and your "sign," like when we ask that question, "What's your sign?" in the language of Astrology, is really called your Sun sign. You also have a Moon sign, a Mars sign, Mercury is in a sign and in fact, every planet finds itself within the boundaries a certain sign, their combination being unique to you. You may have multiple planets affected by one sign in particular. So despite your being an Aries Sun sign, if Mars, Venus and Mercury are all in Pisces, you're highly influenced by this sign, as well. This only touches on a very small fraction of the complexity of
the subject.
 Mars moves into Gemini, the Sun into Cancer, Mercury squares Saturn while Mars squares Neptune, as well... Interesting line up for your Mercury ruled folks, primarily the Geminis and Virgos amongst us, and not necessarily in your favour.
Challenges with creativity and personal assertion weighs heavily as a factor, too.

Your Horrorscopes

Sometime around now - Sometime a few weeks from now-ish

Aries - Hypersensitivity

Around March 20 - Around April 20

The Sun is in Cancer right now which makes you particularly sensitive, while you are spurred with electric thought. Your mind has been racing and so has your heart. Be prepared to face issues concerning house and home, your sanctuary and your shell.
Not to say you'll be breaking open your shell but perhaps reinforcing its strength.
Has everything been okay with your health lately? For some of you, there may be mixed signals coming from your body. Uh huhhh... Take care of yourself and listen to what it's telling you, even if it's more mental than it is physical. If you can reconcile the two mixed signals into one firm message, you may solve a long standing problem.

Taurus - The Cow on the Teeter-Totter

Sometime near the end of April - Sometime near the end of May

One moment your heart feels one way, and then it feels differently the next. You're most likely feeling quite reassured within yourself, ultimately but then there are those days that you chose to smooth over. Recognize that you've been up and down and a little emotionally inconsistent. It's all about finding a balance concerning yourself and others, especially where friendships and love are concerned. If there are any legal or business matters to do with your home or room mates which need to be taken care of, now is the time to solidify it. The energies are right for this though sensitivities may be high, you're in a good mental place to divvy out thebrules and set things straight in your own territory. Any way you slice it, relationships are of primary concern.

Gemini - Control Freak

Around May 20 - Around June 20

Do you feel yourself becoming slightly aggressive lately or maybe just a sheer surge of energy? If you grow your own food, you'll surely be successful right now and not just because the Sun has been shining. Besides that, it could be that everything you thought you had under your thumb seems to be wriggling out, despite your firm placement. Or perhaps you're straining to make sure that your thumb is pressed down so hard, the tip of it turns white but what's under it isn't getting away from you, is it? No, not at all.  


For My Admirer: Inconsequential Matters of Special Importance — A Belated Valentine's Day Extravaganza

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Now that Valentine's Day is over and done with, let's review: A doctor in a maternity ward clinic in Calgary said on the day of the fourteenth that it had been the busiest day she could literally ever recall. Someone else mentioned it wasn't too surprising, being it was Valentine's Day.

There was a lot of energy flying about on this type of day, what with forty percent of people being in love and another forty percent being bitter and depressed, between the 20 per cent of people who were oblivious or neutral. The doctor had completely forgotten about the holiday, saying this did make sense to her.

She would be happy enough to simply get home and crash into bed with her husband. A full moon tends to have similar effects, like the one we witnessed last Friday.
So, in light of this review, how was your Valentine's Day? Which category did you fall into this year? The loving, the loathing or the neutral? A combination of the first two, the last two... All three?

Or perhaps you fell into the fourth column, not yet mentioned, of those who are in some kind of denial. If you were in the invisible denial category, you may not know or be willing to admit it. For those of you unable to see past the ends of your own noses (which is most of us,) fortunately, your local underdog astrologer is here to keep you in check! Weather in a long term relationship, just beginning something or single, let's take a good look at either why you might be single, why you annoy the hell out of your partner or why your partner annoys you most.

Some may ask what the purpose of this would be. Perhaps it will give us the foresight and/or insight to prevent such annoyances for our spouses and ourselves, concerning our relationships. Enjoy.

WARNING: These horoscopes are not for the weak of heart!

DISCLAIMER: A general Sun sign horoscope can only shed so much light, due to its interdependence with the other planets. Check our your ascendant or rising sign and/or moon sign, if you're aware of what they are. Those born at night, pay special attention to their Moon signs.

Aries - Ram Your Head Against the Wall

March 21 - 23  to April 20 - 23

The biggest issue we see when it comes to Aries and love is their inherent selfishness. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, representing the infantile stages of life.

Right there, we could draw a metaphysics line between infants and Aries people; Like babies, they can be unusually concerned with themselves. An infant isn't even capable of defending itself, feeding itself or keeping itself warm and yet they are equally incapable of consciously thanking the being that provides these things.

Only a little later in life, the tender smile or laugh of a baby will be thanks enough but for a while, this is a good part of what makes parenthood in the first few months so challenging.

But we're not here to talk about parenthood, we're here to talk about Aries people.

They don't cry like babies, we can leave that up to Cancer, Lunar types, no, they represent the thankless part of the infant stages, where they have not yet developed the cognition to think outside of oneself and ones innate urges and instincts. Truly Aries influenced beings, you lack consideration or a very deep ability to empathize with others.

Even when you think you're empathizing, it's still just an attempt to feel what another does, from your point of view, not a surrender and true understanding. It would do you well to practice putting yourself second and others first, including your priorities, your worries, your issues or your lack of these things. And don't think that because you attempt this, you've become a saint, for that can be exactly the problem. You're still just thinking of you.

Taurus - Stubborn As A Bull

April 21-23 to May 20- 23

Taurus is not your usual pretty ugly bully personality, being ruled by Venus though they can be rather diva-like by nature - Think Miss Piggy. We can leave the playground pushiness to the influence of other signs, for shoving others around even verbally simply isn't a typical cow's style.

Unless of course, you wave the red cape at them.

Then, almost anything can happen but they will be quick to cool back down and smooth the cow lick from their hair. Taurus is famed for its stubbornness and if you're a Taurus Sun sign, you already know that. It's true that they are patient creatures, for stubbornness takes on many forms; However, though patience is known to be a virtue, at times, it's an excuse not to deal with something such as issues of vulnerability. Have you ever approached a cow in the fields?

They seem fairly docile but they don't really want your attention, for they are lost in their grazing and you, like the birds, are inconsequential to such a big ol' heifer. We all know upsetting a cow is a bad idea, as they do have tempers and sheer size makes them scary but mostly, they are fairly approachable, unless with young — then they are simply irritable and quite dangerous. Mostly, they hardly seem to notice you but with a blank look in long-lashed eyes between chews. This isn't about a temper, or lack thereof, so much as just another method of being stubborn.

I've even got to explain this very carefully, almost slowly despite it only being text, taking caution and fearing they have already stopped reading. The trick with Taurus people is knowing that under the surface, they think they are never, ever wrong. How can one be in the wrong when they are so obviously, most usually calm on the exterior? And if tempers do rise, are able to subdue them so quickly after? Surely, it is those who come undone who are full of cow crap! Infuriating, isn't it? It almost makes you want to provoke them. And so, let's have burgers for supper.

Gemini - The Shallowest Know-It-All

May 21-23 to June 20-23

Gemini is a sign of electric thinking and a natural love of logic - whatever that is. The sign in itself, does not by nature correlate with the emotions which isn't to say heavily Gemini influenced individuals have no emotions, though they may seem not to sometimes, it's to say that they don't recognize their emotions very well. Admittedly or not, they have a hard time dealing with feelings or even comprehending them in themselves and others.

It makes their whole sense of logic turn a little on its head. You've probably heard of the I.Q. or intelligence quotient? Well, there's also the lesser known E.Q. or emotional quotient. You can have the highest I.Q. in the world but if you have a low E.Q. you won't be able to do much good in the world and with other human beings, if let's say, you aren't emotionally in touch enough to have a conversation, let alone give a speech or maintain a job.

Also with Gemini, you could have a solid little budding career, a modicum of talent and all the opinion in the world to get you by but it doesn't make you much different from the majority of other human beings. Gemini tends to have a big, big head, in thinking they know more than the average Joe or Jane, with all that incessant thinking they do. They can lack in sincerity themselves but be the first to call someone else on it, thinking they've got it licked at the very recognition that both parties are guilty. If they have become aware of such lacking sincerity, surely, the problem is underfoot.

Change doesn't always happen overnight but in their minds, it really is that simple. Speaking of simplicity, it's honestly amazing that one with so little to say could talk so much and with so much egotism and in such a condescending way. Words are their ammunition but firing them off could end up causing a war or at the very least, hurting an innocent bystander or even someone they think they love. In romance, their need to constantly be right and indignantly so will earn them only more coldness in return, though they will poorly attempt to hide the feeling of indignance.

If there is one thing we can learn from Geminiian shortcomings, it's that you can't think your way into love or loving kindness, it is something you have to feel, no matter how much that hurts when your mind comes back around to rationalize it again. As for the mention of Gemini being two-faced, it's more like 10 faced and frankly, unless you're a good actor, I usually see one of them showing itself louder and clearer than the rest, even if you are somehow miraculously able to bite your tongue.

Cancer - Cry Me A River

June 21-23 to July 20-23
Cancer is symbolized by one of the most ancient creatures of the world, the crab. This being one of the very first organisms to ever spring up, Cancer's tend to have long, long memories. The problem is that they aren't always accurate. A Cancer person will invent things that happened according to their own feelings. Instead of expanding on that, I'll just leave it up to you, Cancer, to read and invent a different story according to how it made you feel.

Not according to what I've said or how anyone else saw it go down. Or maybe it's one of those times where you're willing to see things as they actually were but you find yourself so hurt by what's been said, the emotions take hold and if the water works don't start now, I am still waiting. Oh, does that make you angry?

I was waiting for that, too. Cancer is ruled by the moon or Luna and like the mythological ware wolf, prone to ever-changing emotional landscapes and flights of lunacy. So, what's it going to be? Ignore the issue and create your own version of the story or recognize it, whine, get angry, have a tantrum, throw a fit or pretend it didn't hurt you when you damn well know you're just waiting to sulk? The crab is also associated with general crabbiness, of course and so many Cancerians I know simply love, love, love to bitch.


You are not your sign

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There have been rumours about astrology in the media lately. Perhaps you've noticed?
Apparently, you're not your sign anymore according to the Globe and Mail, Fox News and CNN. So it must be true. It's a good thing I'm listening to a song about how vegemite tastes like asses, or else my humor might not be so aroused. This has opened up a bad smelling can of worms over 2,000 years old ‚ super stinky. I would like to explain why someone should have consulted an astrologer before publishing this as "news."

What makes the whole situation less amusing is the ever-noticable lack of consideration given or research done by the media which frankly has been the norm, only that this time it's hitting me in a form closer to home.

But here's an interjection with an article that concisely puts into perspective the recent news and it's silliness, entitled "OMFG, I'm not an Aries?!" by astrologer Austin Coppock.

You don't have to "believe" in astrology to comprehend this information is inherently inaccurate. Here's why: There have been many different types of astrology for a very, very long time that are used for different purposes. Whether astrology works or not, the system used most commonly here in the west names the signs after the 12 largest constellations in the sky.

The signs do not directly coincide with the area in the sky that these constellations take up, okay?
It does not matter what our north and south poles are doing, in the same way it does not matter that there are another 76 constellations that are not included in regular western astrology. So forget about whether or not you prescribe to astrology, the announcements as of late are completely bogus as far as factual information on the reality of the study and how it's done — effective or ludicrous.

Little information about the "new" constellation: Astrologers have known about the Ophiuchus for about as long as they've known about the other constellations above (since well before the time of Christ.) It is the constellation where we derive one or two medical symbols — the staff of Asclepius, relating to the mythology of Ophiuchus and the caduceus, relating to Hermes, Mercury or Thoth, all known to be gods of medicine at some point in time. One is a staff with a single snake coiled around it while the other is a staff with two snakes coiling. The caduceus peculiarly resembles the double helix of our D.N.A..

Also, interestingly enough, if we had a calender year of 13 months, there would never be a leap year as the months would follow the moon in her cycles and the year would be essentially 'perfect.' it was superstition on account of the ruling religion at the time the Gregorian calender was fully embraced (can you guess which one that was?) responsible for the lacking calender month.

At one point in my astrological endeavours, I too, thought that this thirteenth sign was viable before learning why it was not. A thirteenth month, however, I'm all up or down for. We could call it Ockvember or Februarch. Any other ideas?

Page 6 of 8

In The House

Sun in Gemini
6 degree(s)
Moon in Virgo
2 degree(s)
First Quarter Moon
First Quarter Moon
5 day(s) old
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