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L.A. Beat

Happy Hallowe’en horrorscopes from Iris E

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Hello and welcome to L.A. Beat's most recent addition, Astro Beat. I will be your resident astrologer, Miss. Iris E. and I will be articulately illustrating the metaphysical motions of our little slice of the universe for you, weekly.

Here in Astro Beat, you'll learn about the hidden natures of celestial spheres floating in our solar system which act much like a clock or more aptly, the gears within an old pocket watch; Take any of them away and our little time telling tool becomes defunct. Each planet, the Sun and even our moon plays an integral role in things being — well, exactly as they are, have been and will continue to be.

Keeping in step with the cosmic conga line extending all the way from macrocosm to microcosm, mamboing in metaphor, we will find the beatific maraca-shaking astrologers of the world.

We dance with, and observe, the movements and rhythms of heavenly bodies in ways that most never learned or have forgotten how. I am here to get your divine mind moving and shaking, to add the antiseptic to your skeptic and also to enliven and amuse you in an attempt to teach this ancient art to break dance.

Hallowe'en is almost here and the veil is thin during devil's night and the eve' of the dead: The perfect spooky, kooky time of year to get cheekily esoteric on your collective asses.

DISCLAIMER: I'm going to be a good astrologer and a real one who will tell you straight up that a general Sun sign horoscope can only shed so much light, due to its interdependence with the other planets; This is why horoscopes sometimes seem so general and other times seem accurate enough. Check our your ascendant or rising sign and/or moon sign if you're aware of what they are.

Sinister Hallowe'en Horror-scopes

For Oct. 27 - Nov. 3,2010

The Sun recently left the quaint cottage of a kinder, balanced, more light-hearted Libra  for the less optimistic, but more realistic, stone walled domain of Scorpio, followed  by his three closet planetary buddies, Mars,  Venus and Mercury.

Venus also recently went retrograde in  Scorpio, Lethbridgians which essentially means that love and themes concerning it, are going to be (a) difficult (expletive that rhymes with witch) for the next few weeks. To expand on this concept, this includes the love of self and love for  others, where we face our motives concerning love and self-reflection,  our jealousies, callouses, mean-streaks and we top it all off with a  sense of twisted, passionate sensuality toward the re-discovery  and transformation of the self, concerning others. This will come out ins the way we speak and communications between people may generally be sharper and  more to the point than usual, to be taken with a grain of salt.

As well, there will be a take no prisoners attitude between colleagues and friends alike, leaving this period a little more difficult to work through for some than others and by work through, I mean coming out having learned something valuable and not simply having been stung by the scorpions stinger or more likely, having stung those you care about.

Aries - First Born Freak
21th - 23rd March - 20th - 23rd April

For those born under the sign of Mars ruled Aries, he makes a deal with Sagittarius on Friday, for your information. If Mars had have stayed put in Scorpio, where he's been since half-way through September, your Hallowe'en weekend would have seen much more bloodshed. Now, is the bloodshed a bad thing?

Not when you're being attacked by an army of deformed freaks with baseball balls. The past week should have seen some relevance to this metaphor and if not, you're obviously not looking hard enough.

With this exchange between Mars and Sagittarius having taken place, Mars (and therefore an aspect of you) is brought to happier, more ethical and perhaps even philosophical decision making policies than the joyous bloodlust of weeks past.

You've been spontaneous lately and almost prefer it that way but this will have to take heed to the aforementioned policy. Either way, the Moon spends its weekend in Leo, adding some pizazz and flare to the air, promising that it won't be wet blanket-ethical... Just, not allowing oneself to climb city hall all the way to the top, dressed like King Kong with a Barbie doll in hand, ethical.

Mysterious Memo: Aim your new found bow and fire your arrow straight into the centre of the target.

Taurus - Killer Scorpion Stings Cow

21st - 23rd April - 20th - 23rd May

With so incredibly many planets in Scorpio at the moment and your ruling planet, the lovely miss Venus being one of those, also on her retrograde, times for you may be a little tough.

Your Hallowe'en may be a disappointment unless of course you turn things around by somehow getting frightfully frisky. If getting frightfully frisky with someone or something isn't an option, then you're mostly screwed. Or maybe not so much when you think about it. Whatever you do, try not to take those you've loved the most for longest for granted; word to the wise. This whole Venus lady going crazy thing causes a time of reflecting seriously, if you're smart, on your closest relationship(s) or lack thereof without getting too hard on yourself or on others which isn't such a scary thing. Or is it?

Mysterious Memo: It all depends on what you consider to be a good or a bad thing.

Gemini - Jekyl And Hyde-athlon
21st / 23rd May - 20th / 23rd June

As if your electric energy racing from receptor to receptor isn't enough on a daily basis, lately the voltage has been turned up much higher than usual.

There's been a mix of energies that not even the multi-faceted head of a Gemini can easily keep up with. Newer topics on the wire of your brain at the moment, more so than during the summertime are affecting you like this: You have a tendency to talk which can be curbed for sure but regardless, it may appear you have a touch of the old "Jeckyl and Hyde syndrome," (a common killer in the late 60's) when others who aren't usually expecting it, notice your lack of control and/or verbal intensity more than you'll like, later on. There's this ability to take on a sort of know-it-all stance with the world around you which isn't conducive to partying.

And this weekend is about partying, for most, unless you have a family. Then try not to sit around the kitchen table getting your one ups on Ma and Pop. Happy Hallowe'en!

Mysterious Memo: Life is not a race nor is it a competition. Know when to put a sock in it.

Cancer - Much Like A Tumour21st / 23rd June - 20th / 23rd July

Luna ruled Cancer gets some of the brunt of the effects of so many planets in Scorpio, despite them both being water signs. The Moon (Cancer's ruler) is in her fall in Scorpio and Mars, which rules Scorpio, is in his fall when in Cancer, too. Mars just moved into Sagittarius out of Scorpio and so, for those of you made of moon beams and lollipops, rest a little easier. The sensitivities which normally become you and indeed, make you who you are for better and for worse (mostly better, of course,) are heightened on all sides.

If you find yourself feeling a surge of emotions in your heart, your words and actions, don't worry, just keep the crab claws that are in your nature a little more in check than you usually do and try not to cling to issues in the coming week that, like you, really aren't nearly as deadly as they seem.  Happy Hallowe'en!

Mysterious Memo: Word up to the wise; Check yo'self.


21th / 23rd July - 20th / 23rd August

I am pleased to announce that Leos should be experiencing some of the more positive results of the week and especially the weekend's aura.

With the moon stationed in your sign the whole weekend through and Mars being in another friendly fiery sign come Friday, you should be a righteous ball of flame come to smite all who refuse to throw down with your usual cat-like antics, by punishing them with your excessive good humour and nauseating confidence.

You'll be feeling as if the whole world were under the same glorious spell you usually are and in some sense, they will be. In the spirit of like attracting like, this should pump you up better than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. For those of you Leos who are feeling that this may be more untrue than anything, I suggest you check your Moon or rising sign to see if we have a problem here.  Happy Hallowe'en!

Mysterious Memo: Laugh and the whole world laughs at you, or is it with you?

Virgo - Gloomy, Not Loony

21st / 24th August - 21st/ 23rd September
Virgo, your week will see any improvement come Monday, when the Moon moves into Virgo from Leo, weather things have been shaky for you lately or not quite so much.
This should set you down nicely from the showiness and extroversion of all those Hallowe'eny types who've been getting jiggy with it all weekend long.

Mars's coming transition from Scorpio to Sagittarius doesn't affect you as much as others, leaving things all business as usual and you, your regular analytical self for Hallowe'en.
When Monday hits, you'll feel as though some cobwebs have been removed from your cranial, leaving you a little extra sharp and more quick on the uptake than you've been for a short while. Scorpio's effect and Venus in retrograde may leave you feeling as though a little passion has been missing.  Happy Hallowe'en!

Mysterious Memo: Warning! Car may transform into boring pumpkin before midnight.

Libra - Psycho Killer Subconscious
21st - 23rd September - 21st - 23rd October

Venus being retrograde in Scorpio, conjunct the Sun, likewise in Scorpio affects Librans more directly than others, indeed. How, you might ask? Well, too bad, I'm not telling. Mystery abounds, as your feelings seem in a knot you thought you'd picked out weeks or even months ago, hitting you with more jealous gusto than you expected.

Scorpio speaks of our inner mysteries and Venus in retrograde of our inner mystery's mysteries; However, all of this will be very much under the surface for a time and the moon in Leo will help make the thoughts and feelings to be not so spooky, come Hallowe'en time.

Just try to avoid any outbursts or coldness due to repression (very much unlike your true character) coming through until Friday hits, when you won't be feeling so strongly and things lighten up under the treacherous seeming, still bright Moon. You'll definitely be feeling a little displaced, as the Sun just left your nice neighborhood for the ghetto of Scorpio.  Happy Hallowe'en!

Mysterious Memo: Feelings, Nothing more than feelings.

Scorpio - Tricks Or Treats?
21st / 23rd October - 21st / 23rd November

First and foremost, happy Birthday to those Scorpions whom the shoe may fit. You, my pets, are usually fearfully intense and a little overtly sexual by nature but oh,ho, not as much so as you'll be feeling this weekend coming up.

That sexual nature may be a bit deluded this weekend, expecting more attention than it's due, despite whatever get-up you dawn come time for the festivities. This could turn the other way, giving you a more melancholic disguise than most. Either way, emotions will be flared as of late, seeing your head spinning, along with other, witnessing your excessive energy, as you bob for your your apples, though not quite as excessive as last week.

So, if you made any stupid mistakes that have been plaguing you, you won't be quite as unruly now. You might be enjoying your ride in a pumpkin shaped carriage but remember, fantastical ones, that Scorpio rules transformation of all kinds, from the lower to the higher and visa versa, and that car is due to become a regular pumpkin again, once the tea party in your sign is through. Either way, have a fantastic party but don't over do it.  Happy Hallowe'en.

Mysterious Memo: It's important you know that 'Ring Around the Rosy' was originally written about the plague.

Sagittarius - Expectation Will Be The Death Of Me

20th / 23rd November - 20th / 23rd December

Mars moves into your sign this Friday, making you geared to go for the weekend's festivities, even if you've not got much planned. You'll be able to light up a room with sense of challenging those around you to the same expectations of excellence you've got. The metaphor 'light up' could also pertain to setting fire to something but that's besides the point.

Fire's just heat and dryness and some kind of animated motion, right? Who cares about its destructive capabilities, for it allows us to rebuild foundations from ashes, in the aftermath. This weekend should see you on your ball, if a bit provoking of others, at times, even just within your own head. You will, perhaps for good and justified moral reasons be a force to be reckoned with! Happy Hallowe'en!

Mysterious Memo: Hope for the best, expect the worst. Or better yet, hope for the best, expect nothing at all.

Capricorn - The Dead Skin Peels Away
20th / 23rd December - 18th / 21st January

Pluto, the planet that's not a planet, representing the underdog, power and depth,  remains in your sign, as it has for some time now. This happened two years ago, when the Sun was in Scorpio in 2008 and will last until 2023. Think of Fall, 2008, for you. Was there anything substantial that happened or more appropriately, on a subconscious level, did you begin thinking in newer, murkier terms? Think on that.

Otherwise, the several signs in Scorpio, including the Sun and Venus being retrograde, there too, may be making you feel a tad bit uncomfortable or at the very least, more impulsive than you'd like and you've a sneaky suspicion that some trickery is at hand. Lay your suspicions to rest, embrace your sense of humor and let go of the need to be so serious, letting the 'dead skin' of your past selves just peel away! Capricorn, despite being paradoxical at the best of times, you're a lovely date and wonderful company, even (and especially-so) when dressed up like a banana.  Happy Hallowe'en!

Mysterious Memo: Go bananas!

Aquarius - A Wacked Out Sense Of Normal
18th / 21st January - 18th - 21st February

It's the age of Aquarius... And despite your seemingly busy life this past few weeks, after this weekend, things should come into clearer focus for those of you seeking more order in your lives and less chaos, after the busy throw down culmination of All Hallows Eve. In other words, at least for a few days, all seems to return to the whacked out sense of normal that is quite regular for you.

 The weekend will not be as climactic as you may be hoping for which you also may intuitively sense, you weirdo, due to Leo's taking over the Lunar realm, your opposite sign. If you're seeking a wild weekend, at all, you've got to firmly grasp your own sense of showmanship and that wonderful quality of humanitarian sociability you're so very capable of. If you're a mellow madam or fellow, then enjoy your chill weekend with your own kooky oddness. Happy Hallowe'en!

Mysterious Memo: People are only strange when you're a stranger.

Pisces - Finding Love With The Zombies
18th / 21st February - 18th / 21th  March

As we approach the end of the zodiac, things are bound to get weirder and weirder, with more demons become gurus to, as we tread through the dark cosmos.

You're feeling separated from the crowd despite your efforts and a little naturally confused by your own nature, admit it or not. The usual intensity of these feelings, with a focus on all things drab concerning your love life will be slightly maddening, more so than usual. Take that madness and run with the boils and ghouls, as if we're all zombies this weekend.

If it's allowed to be, there is an energetic string you may take hold of that could garner you some attention, if instead of brooding as usual, you simply loosen up, get your head out of your muddled muddiness and remember that there are highs and there are lows but not always when and where we expect to find them. Come Monday, you're likely to still be feeling a little woozy from the personal lashings you tend to give yourself, so go easy with the whip, will ya? And if all else fails, do the time warp.  Happy Hallowe'en!

Mysterious Memo: Don't try to swim upstream! Go with the flow and let go and see what's attracted to you when you do.

For consultations or farther readings, to interpret your Moon or rising sign for a fee of doubloons, please contact Iris through her business 'Nyx Knocking' (403) 942-3033, find her on facebook by looking up 'Nyx Knocking' or contact through Nirvana Energy at (403) 942-2220.

— By Iris E, Special to L.A. Beat
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