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L.A. Beat

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Astro-Beat-Girl: Your localized alienoid anti-septic skeptic horoscopes for Monday, July 30 - Monday, Aug. 13, 2012

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Previously, on Astro-Beat-Girl: The astrology column was to be condensed into a smaller, more conformist, standard newspaper format, the likes which would not challenge your intelligence and tolerance quite as verbosely as usual; However, it's been so long, there's just too much I'm itching to say and besides, we haven't gone to print ... yet.

In the end, we all need our L.A. Beat-ings every now and again, and either myself or Margo (or many esteemed members of the community outside of L.A. Beat) would be happy to provide them vicariously, (for free.) Us girls here, we lay the smack down through the written word.

Mercury will be out of its retrograde in exactly two weeks time, on Aug. 8. S/he has been retrograde since the July 14. Finally, opening us again to less restraint in our ability to love, and express ourselves. We are not so self-concerned as we were last month, and approaching a time of smoother sailing, with less snags in the road for most of the eighth month.

This is not to denote the obviously tenuous times that we have undergone in the last two weeks, where tragedy ensued for many, in the wake of a Grand Cross.

I have seen many things in my trips across the Universe, and it is safe to say these last two weeks have left us having sorted out quite a lot of our previous skepticisms, anxieties and issues of our pasts still lingering. We know very firmly now just where we stand.

Aries - Thank you Master

March 21-23 to April 20-23
The Pluto is in the bad. Pluto is your homeboy, if you recall from a previous article. If not, understand that Pluto represents deep, dark depths of inner mystery; Things not exposed, hidden away, veiled. The parts of you that want a pleasant balance in amicability are directly challenged by the other parts which crave cold detachment, solitude and contemplation. Examine your inner motives to the core of the issue and identify them. Put your finger on them. By bringing this darkness to consciousness, much light thereupon will be shed.


Taurus - Earnest August, the Showman

April 21-23 to May 20-23
You have had the ability to put on two very different faces as easily as exchanging masks between meetings, in the past short while, but as you come to be even more immersed in social activity over the next fortnight, your sensitivities will noticeably increase. You will find yourself opening like a flood gate to the well of human emotion, as memories are triggered and interactions swell. I foresee you weeping ... A lot. If maybe even just on the inside. Ultimately, this is a time for solidifying you're you, in the context of the World stage. How you present yourself when going live, has changed and will change, and now is the time for seeing just what your newly defined character can do!


Gemini - Learning to Laugh, and Growing Up

May 21-23 to June 20-23
Right now may feel like a time that's all about you, or centred around the self if you prefer that statement. This is not necessarily a bad thing, though it could be misconstrued by yourself or others and therein lies the key that this horoscope has to offer. A personal focus can turn into a spotlight of entertainment just as quickly as you might feel yourself shrinking when that spotlight is shining its hardest lights down on you. Then we return again to reflecting on priorities and the positive traits we find within again. You find yourself appreciating yourself, as can be a healthy part of self-esteem, but be aware of the flip side of the coin that you do not end up dejecting others. A key for the challenges you face in the upcoming two weeks can be found in humour and in appearing bigger, or smaller than you actually may be. Whatever you project might reflect times three.


Cancer - Rivers of Cookies

June 21- 23 to July 20-23
Speak with your finger on the pulse of the complimentary, if you're able to through all that you usually find yourself exposed to emotionally. You are empathetic to the core, and thankfully, Venus moves into your sign which helps you to soak up some facilitating feminine vibes, without any of the harsh side-effects of Venus in Gemini. Side-effects of Venus in Cancer may include a bought of disappointment and rivers of cookies. Yes, rivers of cookies. And milk, if you must ...


Leo - Tiger's Eye

July 21-23 to Aug. 20-23
Much on the rise for you, Fire sign in the South as you dawn in Houses of the demon tamer, and the humanitarian which makes you so very prone to absently wandering away in disinterest. Humanitarianism is lovely and all, but it doesn't quite work with the Kings of the jungle, sort of displacing the crown of a natural hierarchy which they so easily perceive.


Horoscopes April 30- May 14 — Extra! Extra! : The Bovine Meets the Starry Shore

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The Sun is again in Taurus, friends, the bestial sign of animal nature, unlike any other in the zodiac, for no other sign is represented by a mammal such as this. What does that mean? Apply metaphors and analogies about bulls or cows to life in general, let's say, and voila, you've got some miraculous insight. For example,  "To laugh is human but to moo is bovine." "Greatness alone in not enough, or the cow would outrun the hare." (Proverb)

Mercury also finds himself coming to hover over the fields of Taurus in about a week, and the higher he soars into May, the more spectacular the view becomes. We will all find ourselves sinking into the starry shores of communication, if you will,  populated by vast amounts acquaintances, especially work or commerce related associations, friends and family. So, pop open your parasol and head in to get your feet wet under the sky, as the on-lookers look on.

These next few weeks will bring lots of this type of social context. We will learn to truly sit back and enjoy the finer things in life, with the ones we enjoy most, and how to refine communication with those we possibly enjoy the least. "All that is not given is lost." - Indian Proverb.

This year's brightest and closest "super" full Moon occurs on Sunday, May 6, just so's you knows, and being in Scorpio, it will come on intensely. Full Moons are a time when our inner emotions are stirred. The moon controls the tides, and we are 80 per cent water; You can put two and two together, hopefully.

As the Sun is in Taurus, the Full Moon will be in its opposite sign, Scorpio, as mentioned. The Full Moon will always be in the opposite sign that the Sun is in. The Moon is in its fall in Scorpio, which means the proverbial rain will come, so expect a rockier road heading back up to the cottage come that time.


Mercury also opposes Saturn... It's a make or break ourselves time as far as tightening our own societal reins. We are all personally responsible for the situations we find ourselves in, and we will be called to either face that fact, or head back into the rain of pleasantries, without real regard or depth. This can be summed up in the phrase, "The right way is not always the most popular and easy way." (Margaret Chase Smith)

Neptune is still in Pisces, where frankly, it loves to be. Local artists will be collectively buzzing as a thriving hive in those there pastures of Taurus and for months to come.

Here, a little Hermes inspired background music, while you digest your scope: 

Aries - Mercury Rising

March 21-23 to April 20-23
Mercury is still in your sign for another week and three days, heading for the territory of Taurus. You're riding the goat still, not the bull, and you're much more familiar with scaling mountains than traversing plain old plains. You may find yourself gearing down, the full moon providing a sudden propulsion of fiery impulse, again, before finally touching down in full. You will most definitely find yourself quieting down internally, despite it possibly being a busy time socially.

Taurus - Your Territory

April 21-23 to May 20-23
The pastures your sign brings to the general environment are green and ripe with an abundance of flowers and active flourishing wildlife. Taurus is all about an appreciation for when things flow easily, materially, even indulgently so and with two signs in Taurus, in the Second House which resembles the sign also, your themes are amplified as if your essence were being blown through a swiss Alphorn! Sit back and you'll be surrounded by beauty. Being a channel for starry-eyed Venus, all I can ask is for you to try not to lay it on too thick, ok? And have fun; You are truly in your element.

Gemini - Happygasm

May 21-23 to June 20-23
There seems to be so much going on with Mercury at the moment that you are highlighted in this week's horoscopes, being ruled by the planet. Hermes ushers in a steady trafficking of communications and social associations. The cosmic phone should be ringing off the hook, or so to speak. You will be feeling deeply grounded by next week and the full Moon should heighten a sense of happygasm. Your only opposition, quite literally, will be in choosing not to make the same decisions you have in the past. You are faced with a very direct choice to either move on, which means actually letting things go, or to go back to old obviously not yet outgrown habits of dealing with others. Whichever decision you make, you will feel its backlash right away.

Cancer -  It Dwells Between Us and the Sun

June 21-23 to July 20-23
Your tides are a shifting, as they usually do,and you feel each secret movement of the undercurrents propelling them. The Moon and Taurus get along well, I would say but their power is not lasting.  There is so much going on right now in the social and material realms, that the onslaught of people (and those feelings they have, that you feel too) has your head spinning a bit. You can ride the wave for a while, but you will have some heavy drenching downs near the full Moon on Sunday May 6 and the next Monday. You must learn to consolidate your negative emotions, with the other happier things going on around you. Though more tempted than usual in the coming times, do not dwell on less than ideal situations or circumstances.

Leo - Smoke Pit of SHAMMMEEEEEEE

July 21-23 to Aug. 20-23
It's not often you swing this way my dears, but this time will be rubbing you slightly the wrong way. The social upswing in communications of all kinds will be grating to your personality and not necessarily complimentarily-so, as far as its effects on your ego. As much as you love to entertain, are you not comfortable in a social environment for some reason? And how can this be feeling be resolved? The answer is booze. It's always booze.


Seed and Soiling: Horoscopes for Monday, March 26- Monday, April 8

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Hello muggles, ladies, gentlemen, witches, wizards, sorcerers, priests and atheists.
Everyone should fit into one of these columns, at least, except maybe children.
Surely, you ought to know that this column is not for children. Thank you for either "accidentally" clicking your way here, or intentionally reading this column. Either way, you are sure to come back again, if indeed, you are a truly good person. It has been quite some time since your author has scribed the Ways of the Stars for L.A. Beat (and  Beyond!) Even if you don't know me, I assure you, you have missed me, as  I have missed you...

So much is in the stars, right now! Love, money, fortune, and fame for all of us, let's pretend! Getting down to the nitty-gritty ... Mars persists in its retrograde in Virgo, creating an edgy discrimination and an analyzing process in almost all situations between people, and in the overall environment surrounding us, but there is also a grand Earth trine happening. The grand Earth trine involves  all three Earth signs, Taurus, Capricorn and Virgo, creating a solid vision and comprehension of the manifest, and material world. This largely "grounds" us out, or mellows us, and situates us virtually faceting our Selves in a set place in time.

Astrologically speaking, we have seldom seen such hopeful times, in some manner of speaking.
It may truly be a time for planting the seeds we wish to see grow, for tilling the soil  and for getting our hands slightly dirty. We will thankfully, also see Mercury leave its retrograde station, going direct in Pisces by Wednesday next week. Translation: Communication will suck less.

Instead of feeling a little paranoid about everybody, we'll feel like we're accurately perceiving each other via our own intuitions, as that we comprehend each other on a much clearer, deeper subtle level than at current. That depth will come from clearly assessing from where our present lack of communications truly stem.

Lady Venus moves into Gemini mid next-week, with her love me, love me not tendencies there, and in the next fortnight moody Luna will cycle through half of the zodiac, from Taurus where she is now, around to Scorpio by Monday, April 8. Enjoy your scopes.

Consideration: Please find out your Moon sign, and Rising sign at Read your Moon sign especially if you were born at night, but all three make for a more accurate picture. Your Sun sign is the sign you usually refer to when someone pops the question, "What's your sign?"
Aries - Close Your Eyes and Jump March 21-23 to April 20-23
This is a rather fortunate period for you, so if you're not feeling particularly lucky, have the sense on account of this column to rely on luck a little more than you usually might. Then, if it fails, blame the column instead of your crappy intuition. It's been a bit of a strange time for you recently, but you're not seeming to mind the erratic impulses in your head. All of the inconsistency may even be unexpectedly and mercifully distracting. Go with it.

Taurus - Warm Tea
April 21- 23 to May 20 - 23
Your lady Venus moves into Gemini shortly, which leaves you perhaps a little thankfully emotionally distant, and oscillating between one thing and another in a bit of a fickle manner. Venus also squares Mars' retrograde in Virgo, wherein it can be overly critical. It can be like a willingness to get caught up in far too much detail which can serve you, but you've got to watch it carefully. Be mellow, and think about adaptability. The grand Earth trine happening right now has the power to deeply earth all of us.

Gemini - Let Go
May 21-23 To June 20-23
You will be  feeling your two (or many more) sides coming together a little more cohesively, as Venus moves into Gemini, around April 3 or April 4. Contrary to the rest of the zodiac, Venus's movement into your own sign, from Taurus leaves you feeling energetic; However, Gemini has been known to embody "Love me, love me not," tendencies, a theme which is accentuated now. Beware you don't push away the people you desire to be closest with. Also, vice-versa, making sure not to pull too close the people you desire to be away from.

Cancer - Plants Without Water June 21-23 to July 20-23
Anyone with well-aspected strong cancer influences be moving their focus from a social sphere, to a more family-oriented one. As your polarities shift, the Moon moving from Taurus to Scorpio within the time frame of this horoscope, you may be feeling yourself burning up a little. There is very little of your water element in the sky, right now, except Mercury and Neptune. Communication is so very important, as well as remembering how fine-tuned your own intuition can be.



The Business of the Inevitable: Horoscopes for Monday, Jan. 9-Monday, Jan. 23

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New Years and Christmas are out the door and 2012, the year of impending doom, or of a subtle global enlightenment, or maybe of nothing happening any differently than any other year, has begun! With the heavy expectations set upon the backdrop of this year 2012, the symbolic stage has been set. It will be a year of heightened “pick-me-ups,” and low feeling “put-me-back-downs.”
We start off with everybody racing, as par the usual New Years resolution rampage, with most of us lemmings scurrying to get going with our latest resolution but this year more seriously than some others.

It's like we've all got a bit of an extra oomph, when it comes to getting on the hamster wheel of reform this time around, like it almost serves a purpose.... And that purpose is bettering the self, recognizing the weak spots in the framework, exercise, elbow grease, practice, movement, D) All of the above.

So, whet your proverbial whistles and get cracking on paving your path to the future! There are new ventures on the horizon we're all seeing quite clearly, at the moment. Just be careful you don't take yourself too seriously now. The sheen may be faded from Jan. 1 but the vehicle is still well oiled and raring to go. We're back in our slumps but on the verge of tightening the reins, once and for all. Right?

Aries - Melancholy and the Infinite River

March 21-23 to April 20-23
I hate to chalk it up to this but you'll be doing much better in two weeks time. You'll be feeling more deeply emotional than you're quite used to.There is no but, just the facts, ma'am or sir. Get ready for some deep nostalgia, but in the meantime, your melancholy will help you to get into better habits, forcing you to focus on where you find yourself in the now. Venus in Aquarius makes you feel, straight up, a little weird. Shake the tatty weirdies out of your hair, or cut them out, or whatever you have to do; Just go with the flow. I know it's difficult when so much seems at stake but this is a time for pushing your intuition.

Taurus - Golden Fish

April 21- 23 to May 20 - 23
Your planet, Venus, moves into Pisces which spells catastrophe for you, Taurus. Just kidding! Actually, Pisces can be endearing, pouty-lipped in all the sultry ways that Taurus loves, and though this period may have you feeling more feelings than you would like, it might well be good for you to tune into the softer side of your nature. Taurus, like Cancer, has a habit of staying where they're comfortable but this period asks you, not to completely shatter your comfort zone, heavens no, but to simply step outside of it with an open heart. Pisces affecting anything means it has an added ability to go deeper than ever before.

Gemini - A Confession

May 21-23 To June 20-23
With Mars in mercurial Virgo, and the Moon gaining toward Aquarius on the tail end of the next two weeks, you're liable to be a little less tightly wound than in times past. Venus in Pisces sees you experiencing some rather uncomfortable emotions, to which even you might confess come two weeks time. There's a dreamy quality about you which may smooth things over.

Cancer - Dream On

June 21-23 to July 20-23
The Sun heading into Aquarius is a strange one for you, with your Moon ever changing as it is. The quirky, erratic nature of the sign mixed with your own makes you a little on edge, but like everyone else, dreams of the long term are keeping you afloat. Keep on dreamin' on. This time will be a little strange for most of us, though some more than others. You just find yourself feeling more emotionally involved than you even usually are, but those hopes and wishes really will keep you up in the coming fortnight. They are your saving grace, so when times get hard, without masturbating your ego, think of all the lovely things your dreams may bring, and not of the hole in your heart you wish those things to fill.

Leo - An Awkward Change

July 21-23 to Aug. 20-23
Usually, you bat with a great average but in this instance, with the Sun moving into Aquarius, you find yourself treading water or so to speak. I'll echo myself again saying Aquarius is dreamy but mixed with your Leonine pride, this can create an over-blown sense of ego. Or, if you're affected by watery signs in your chart, it may create a sort of fear of what will come your way. You may find yourself like a deer in headlights, terrified of what may be oncoming. Tune into your emotions, your intuition and take some time in solitude for this. It will not be easy but you must find out where your heart truly lies and know honestly, if you are deceiving your own heart, or honouring its true will. Good luck.


Horoscopes Nov. 28 to Dec. 5: The Burning Winds

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Mercury went retrograde early last week, and he/she stays so until the 13th of the coming month. The air has been tense, to say the least, fraught with communication deficiencies and malfunctions especially where consolidating different philosophies, or maybe even spiritualities or religions, for some of you.

We all work differently, as large and small cogs turn at different speeds, though inherently serving the same greater function. We would all do well to keep in mind the differences between us all, or maybe moreover, the similarities, in particular. It seems at the moment as if we are experiencing collectively the weight of the world of varying perspectives, on our collective shoulders. A hint of seriousness pervades our relationships with Venus in Capricorn now.

As we see our prairies in Southern Alberta go up in smoke, it would seem a synchronicity to any astrologer that fiery Mars, the planet of aggression and impulse is in Virgo, the planet of the harvest. Mercury having gone retrograde and fraught with negative aspects, finds us witnessing the harvest by fire heralded by the burning winds of turmoil and inevitable change.

Aries - Knowing Is Half the Battle

March 21 - 23 to April 20 - 23

Hit hard by the straight-faced tone as of late, you find your nose to the grindstone of self-discovery. Keeping your head may be easier now than in times previous, so recognize that and take strength from the knowledge itself.

Perhaps this means not opening your ears so much to suggestions from others and listening to your heart.

Taurus - Opportunist Alley

April 21 - 23 to May 20 - 23

You're probably feeling the effects of Venus, and Pluto in Capricorn with thoughts turned toward finance and business, though not in working hard with your hands so much as wondering hard with your head where you can make a buck, and create opportunity. Be of your underlaying motives and that business dealings do not become miserly.

Gemini - The Choice To Choose

May 21-23 to June 20-23
Boy, what a time you're about to be having! Travels, plans and coffees canceled, mishaps, chaos and a hard work week are due for you, Lafoo.

You may be a little extra impossible to those around you, as you're so incredibly sure of yourself, it can be overwhelming. Be open to being open, because you're on the precipice of moving forward or backward, and at this juncture, you have a choice.

Cancer - A Comfortable Discomfort

June 21-23 to July 20-23
Slammed, you are! You're feeling torn with Venus and and Pluto in your opposite sign, emotions run deep and they are wrought with obstacles to overcoming them.
You're poised between moments of ultimate understanding between yourself and others, and moments of feeling closed off and separate from even those you hold dear. Try to remember the one, when experiencing the other.

Leo - Manifesting

July 21-23 to Aug. 20-23

You can work easily with the dominant signs, Capricorn and Sagittarius but even you may find yourself affected by Mercury's retrograde, postponing correspondences and creating setbacks despite your personal drive remaining intact.


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In The House

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